All These Drunk Weeks Are Making Me Beer (With music update)

----Quick Music Update for the Big Belgain Beer Bash: Back Alley will have a reggae band called Shamani. If you know me you know I effs with reggae and there's not much in Albuquerque, so I'm hype for this. ----

Yeah, that's right. I ain't been on here for a minute. I know. You ain't gotta tell me. I can read my own posts and dates and all that. But I have a good excuse which is "Fuck you!"

Nah, but for real, a week of writing about beer and drinking a ton of the liquid gold for Albuquerque Beer Week wiped me out. After the Blues and Brews Festival, which saw me trying around 50 different brewkowskis in a four hour time frame, I think my body assumed that like three months of drinking had just taken place and assumed I hadn't slept that whole time and knocked me out like some Nyquil. Yup. Woke up with my clothes on, baby going ninja kicking me in the face as she woke up right next to me.

Anyways, I survived the week, took a week off and now we got American Craft Beer Week? WTF? More drinking? Well, unfortunately for everyone except my homie Liver, apparently New Mexico's brewers ain't get the memo. The only ACBW events I see for the week are up in Santa Fe at Blue Corn Brewery. They got a few good beers up there, but I'ma have to pass.

HOWEVER, Back Alley Draft House, aka possible ROOKIE-OF-THE-YEAR on the Albuquerque beer scene is having a nice little event on Friday called the Big Belgian Beer Bash. If you recall, or by reading here, I visited them two weeks ago for the Tower of Sour tasting with different sours on tap. For like six bucks I got to sample four sours and then for $4 more I got my favorite in a goblet. Shit was a steal though.

I suspect this Big Belgian thing (no Jason Collins) gonna be on par, plus they supposed to be pairing with some local chef for some Belgian eats including the frites and all that. Maybe a Belgian waffle just to be really stereotypical. Personally, I think we need more bashes like this cuz right now St. Patty's Day and Cinco de Mayo got a stranglehold on that whole let's-degrade-an-entire-culture-and-use-it-as-an-excuse-to-get-wasted-and-fight-the-cops-andpuke-in-the-streets shit show. I'd actually like to see a day where we all pretend were Aussies and drink that Foster's piss, wrestle alligators, get bit by snakes and yell "Krikey" at each other the whole day. Who's down? OH, AND FYI-I'M NOT A FRAT BOY, NEVER VIOLATED A FRAT BROTHER'S REAR, I just have an affinity for ignorant celebrations that involve alcohol. Got that?

I'm not going to write all the details for the Belgian Beer Bash as my homies over at Yelp got that covered. If you're interested, visit Yelp's Big Belgian Beer Bash page HERE.

I should be there and hopefully there'll be some of that really trashy techno music that Belgians love so we can all really act a fool. Of course, I don't know what Belgians really listen to or how they dance, but I imagine they not effing with this dude (he the nicest):

Until next time, mamasushis.

Albuquerque Beer Week Day 3

Time is limited here cuz I gotta get to drinking soon before daddy duties and other obligations prevent me from partaking in Beer Week related events.

Right out the gate I can tell you what bullshit not to waste your time with, starting with the tasting at Total Wine. I have no clue what they'll be sampling and I might eat my words if it's some super exclusive shit that you can't find in New Mexico, but my money's on it being some shit I could get at Jubilation any day of the week. My beef with TW from day one has been that they really ain't bringing anything new to the state so as far as I'm concerned they're just a big name. So yeah, fuck Total Wine and their event.

Other than that, there are a few things worth checking:

Beer Tour Festival at Nexus Brewery (Time-11 to 1 for tours, others beyond)- Yo, Nexus is a cool little spot and they be dropping some gems from time to time, like a great Brown in the fall, Barleywine this past winter, and that Imperial Creme. According to their FB page, these cats are doing not just 3 tours of their brewery from 11 to 1 (this brewery ain't that big so I can't imagine what the hell gone take that long), but also some Native American homage. A group called Dawa will be performing and they'll have fried bread and other Native goodies. RIGHT NOW, LEMME JUST GO ON RECORD SAYING I FUCK WITH NEXUS FOR BEING PROBABLY THE ONLY MINORITY-OWNED AND OPERATED BREWERY IN NEW MEXICO. Craft beer often seems the world of hipster white dudes, but there's really plenty of people of all colors seeking great beer. So yeah, this is worth checking today.

Perfect Pet Pub Class at Tractor Taproom Nob Hill (Time: Noon to 1)- I guess if I had a dog this might be cool, but yo, this beer week yo, not fucking dog week. And Tractor already on that suspect list with a lot of weak ass beers that I wouldn't recommend even to a Bud drinker as a primer to craft beer. But I will concede that I had the chocolate porter or stout (can't remember which it was and generally don't give a fuck) recently and that shit was fire. But I still won't be checking this cuz I'm about beer ya heard.

Il Vicino Double Barrel Beer tapping (Time: Noon to 5)- Yeah, this my shit right here. I love this brewery, really do. I like how spacious it is compared to some of these fucking breweries and love that I can always count on them to have NFL games on Sundays. Plus, their beer is just the truth. Odin's Red was bananas, ditto that milk chocolate cherry stout, and that CRAP, and I could go on and on.

But yo, they tapping two Belgians, a blonde aged in Cabernet barrels and a dark aged in bourbon barrels, so I'm hype for this. I still have a great memories of the St. Bob's Bourbon Barrel Imperial Stout from around Christmastime, so I'm confident these cats are going to get it right again. This starts at noon, so that's why I need to get showered and be the fuck out.

Anderson Valley Brewing tasting at Jubilation (Time: 2 to 4)- I'm disappointed they're not bringing any new beers, but Anderson Valley got some heat so this is worth checking. They'll be at Jubie's from 2 to 4, so you can hit this before or after your trip to IVC like I'ma do and be a happy man.

Of course, Gecko's still doing their thing, as is Desert Fish, so if you really feeling uninspired hit those. Oh, and Turtle Mountain is sampling Goose Island's Sofie, which for me is just ridiculous on so many levels. First off, Sofie been available for ever, second why the fuck a brewery sampling other mufucka's beer and it ain't even local? Third, Turtle Mountain ain't got beer good enough to go all the way out there for. So fuck that.

Albuquerque Beer Week Day 2 Aftermath

It's 3AM and I just woke up from a five hour nap brought on by Albuquerque Beer Week. Sometime not long after visiting Back Alley for the Tower of Sour, then Chama River Microbar and Marble for the 505-2013, then a quick trip to India House for some grub, I got home, lied on my bed with my clothes on and knocked out.
I can't say exactly which one of the firewater potions I downed yesterday was the culprit, but I highly suspect it was that 505. That mufucka got 9% alcohol but drinks like a damn ginger beer. I downed two like nothing then realized I was shtarting to shlur my werdz. Then again, I'd already downed a flight of sours at Back Alley followed by two pours of the Monk's Cafe, so maybe that's to blame too.

This that sour sampler for all you bitter mufuckas.

Any motherfucking way, this Albuquerque Beer Week's going to be a problem. If this is how the first day (for me, at least) goes, there's probably gonna be some vomiting, fighting, and shootouts with APD in my future. Especially as long as that, 505-2013 is on tap. That shit is dangerous.
Let me explain.
So you got this beautiful, copperish-colored beer smelling like a hopgoblin---you know, the originator of hops--- took a massive shit in it after eating a bunch of pineneedles (these are all good things by the way) that then gives way to a beer smoother than Brian McKnight's sheets. The beer got that nice citrusy flavor from the hops and then a balance of malt so you don't feel like you took a hop nunchuk to the throat. Best of all, that 9% alcohol is nowhere to be found like fathers in the hood, at least in taste I mean, cuz it definitely was there when I woke up not long ago with a mean headache.

505-2013, a karate kick to your face.

Chama River Microbar is every hipster's dream though.

Finally, I'ma leave y'all with a disclaimer and shit. I know this blog ain't the prettiest thing ever and I got some kinks to work out, but I'ma pin a lot of that shit on Blogger for being the Mark Sanchez of blogging sites. Or maybe I just an idiot, but this site got some goddamn kinks to work out, fuck. So anything you don't like about the look of this page, blame those fucks. Then go fuck yourself too for being worried about the look of this page and completely looking over the absolutely brilliant gems that I deliver. Bottom line, I'd write this shit on a crumpled napkin if I had to, so fuck appearances.

Albuquerque Beer Week- Day 2

Damn, I'm a failure. Nah, I really do suck at life. I was unable to get away from the house last night and attend any of the Day 1 events. I mean, most of them wasn't shit anyways, but I woulda liked to try a few European beers and get some relief from the hop-heavy American craft. Oh well, I took solace in some beers I'd picked up during recent visits to Tucson and San Francisco, sipping away last night on a San Tan Brewing Sex Panther and a 21st Amendment Brewery Lower De Boom.

The former is a double chocolate porter that, like most beers I found in AZ, has an ABV a bit lower than you'd expect from a double (it was a bitch-ass 6.8%). But almost every AZ beer I've had to date, the beer was smooth, creamy, and pleasure to drink. A good aroma of malts and dark chocolate prevailed and remained in the taste. I could easily have downed a six pack.

As for the Lower De Boom, this beer looks like some shit some clubber would be washing his molly down with since it comes in a slim little can that looks more like a shitty energy drink than a beer. Fortunately, looks deceive and this wasn't the stuff of sweaty EDM dancers. What it is is a barleywine style ale done well. A good nose of raisins and mild malt give way to a sweet grape and hopped up taste with a mild alcohol hit at the end. The beer is well-balanced and drinkable. Anyone could enjoy this one.


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ALBUQUERQUE BEER WEEK CHAT STARTS HERE FOR YOU IMPATIENT MUFUCKAS
Anyways, that's how my beer week started off, but I wanna give my assessment of today's jumpoffs.

I'll go ahead and tell you right now my plans, which are to hit Back Alley Draft House straight from work for their Tower of Sour event and follow that up with a visit to Marble or La Cumbre to try the 505/2013. But if y'all wanna be dumb and go to some of these other bullshit events, here's what's cracking across the city:

Greenflash and Ska Brewing at Imbibe Cigar Bar- Ayo, did I mention fuck this place. Two respectable brewers that I'd otherwise check for, but I'd rather sit in a classroom listening to people drag their nails across the chalkboard while having the FBI stuff splinters under my nails while pigeons peck out my eyeballs and Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know" plays on repeat then go to this piece of shit bar.

Beer Flights and Beer Brats at Sandia Chile Grill- This spot is a little seedy stuck in that shitty strip mall way out in Northeastbumblefuck Heights, but they got some legit beers. The father-and-son combo here put in some work and I respect that. I have had a few beers here and enjoyed them so I wouldn't mind hitting this up, but the only problem is I gotta book a flight, cross through customs and shit just to get to this part of the world. I'll stick to homebase.

Anderson Valley Tasting at Total Wine- Yeah, so Total Wine aka the Wal-Mart of the liquor game aka the Britney Spears of the liquor game aka they still ain't shit with that massive selection got a damn good brewery giving tastings. I really like Anderson Valley. Their Oatmeal Stout and that Boont and their Winter Warmer were dope. That last one was probably my favorite winter beer this past season. But I ain't diving to the wackass West Side and passing by a million other good beer events just to peep them. Plus, they'll be at Jubilation tomorrow so blow me Total Wine.

Goose Island Bourbon County Coffee Stout at Two Fools Tavern- I kinda hate on Goose Island because they got bought out by AbInBev and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they cheapen up their formula and all the beers start tasting like a watered-down version of what you'd imagine or remember a good beer to be, but for the moment, I still fuck with them. Had that Bourbon County in NYC around Christmas and it is most definitely crack cocaine. Coffee stout sounds like they just threw some crack on top of the original crack. And Two Fools is a cool spot, even if it's a wannabe version of the shittiest type of bar ever, the Irish Bar. I think of Irish bars I think of drunk white girls rocking out to Bon Jovi or just white people in general standing around and talking and shit while loud music is in the background. No respect for the music and no impulse to dance. That's fucked up though.

Of course, there's also the two weeklong events I mentioned yesterday at Gecko's and Desert Fish, but this day two yo, those shits is played out already.

So,

Tower of Sour at Back Alley Draft House- Besides that really homosexual name ---yeah, I'm probably gay too because I imagined a penis--- this gonna be a good event. Back Alley is a gem that few beer drinkers know about hidden behind that shitty pizza place that claims they make NYC style pizza. Fuck them. Anyways, Back Alley stays getting some good ass beers on tap; they're always some beer you never see anywhere else in town. I asked the brewer/bartender (yeah, they got some of their own brews, plus some from this dude name Majin or some shit who is really nice with his) how they got all these brews I never see elsewhere and he explained that he goes in the distributor's coolers and snoops around instead of just listening to them say what they got. I respect that. So anyways, they gonna have a few sours, mostly Petrus, which is disappointing because I've had them before and wanted some new exclusive shit. But I still fuck with this event and these guys for being original.

Finally, yeah, so the 505 collaboration drops today. A big old monster of a beer it should be, although my instincts tell me that it's gonna be some hop bomb when they shoulda gone for a different style to give us some relief. We already got La Cumbre with their Elevated IPA and the seven million pale ales they do, plus Chama River with their complete bite of Elevated called the Big Lebrewski, and Marble's DIPA, did we really need another motherfucking IPA?

FYI- Some good events tomorrow, I'll post about em later today cuz there's no way I'll get to it tomorrow.

Peace my ninjas.