Monday, May 13, 2013

All These Drunk Weeks Are Making Me Beer (With music update)

----Quick Music Update for the Big Belgain Beer Bash: Back Alley will have a reggae band called Shamani. If you know me you know I effs with reggae and there's not much in Albuquerque, so I'm hype for this. ----

Yeah, that's right. I ain't been on here for a minute. I know. You ain't gotta tell me. I can read my own posts and dates and all that. But I have a good excuse which is "Fuck you!"

Nah, but for real, a week of writing about beer and drinking a ton of the liquid gold for Albuquerque Beer Week wiped me out. After the Blues and Brews Festival, which saw me trying around 50 different brewkowskis in a four hour time frame, I think my body assumed that like three months of drinking had just taken place and assumed I hadn't slept that whole time and knocked me out like some Nyquil. Yup. Woke up with my clothes on, baby going ninja kicking me in the face as she woke up right next to me.

Anyways, I survived the week, took a week off and now we got American Craft Beer Week? WTF? More drinking? Well, unfortunately for everyone except my homie Liver, apparently New Mexico's brewers ain't get the memo. The only ACBW events I see for the week are up in Santa Fe at Blue Corn Brewery. They got a few good beers up there, but I'ma have to pass.

HOWEVER, Back Alley Draft House, aka possible ROOKIE-OF-THE-YEAR on the Albuquerque beer scene is having a nice little event on Friday called the Big Belgian Beer Bash. If you recall, or by reading here, I visited them two weeks ago for the Tower of Sour tasting with different sours on tap. For like six bucks I got to sample four sours and then for $4 more I got my favorite in a goblet. Shit was a steal though.

I suspect this Big Belgian thing (no Jason Collins) gonna be on par, plus they supposed to be pairing with some local chef for some Belgian eats including the frites and all that. Maybe a Belgian waffle just to be really stereotypical. Personally, I think we need more bashes like this cuz right now St. Patty's Day and Cinco de Mayo got a stranglehold on that whole let's-degrade-an-entire-culture-and-use-it-as-an-excuse-to-get-wasted-and-fight-the-cops-andpuke-in-the-streets shit show. I'd actually like to see a day where we all pretend were Aussies and drink that Foster's piss, wrestle alligators, get bit by snakes and yell "Krikey" at each other the whole day. Who's down? OH, AND FYI-I'M NOT A FRAT BOY, NEVER VIOLATED A FRAT BROTHER'S REAR, I just have an affinity for ignorant celebrations that involve alcohol. Got that?

I'm not going to write all the details for the Belgian Beer Bash as my homies over at Yelp got that covered. If you're interested, visit Yelp's Big Belgian Beer Bash page HERE.

I should be there and hopefully there'll be some of that really trashy techno music that Belgians love so we can all really act a fool. Of course, I don't know what Belgians really listen to or how they dance, but I imagine they not effing with this dude (he the nicest):

Until next time, mamasushis.

Friday, May 3, 2013

What day is it? ABQ Beer Week Day I Have No Fucking Clue

Apparently I may have miscounted the days in previous blog posts. Blame it on the the brews, blame it on the Stone, blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-al-co-hol....

Yeah, cuz even though I ain't make it to no official events last night, that didn't stop me from drinking. I managed to sneak into Chama River Microbar right quick and kill a 10 oz. of the 505-2013. I really enjoy that beer. They need to bottle some of that up and sell it year round cuz this one or two weeks ain't enough for my cravings.

Today's got plenty of good events scattered around town...or should I say, tappings really, although there's one interesting event I'd go to if time permitted. That is:

The Dark Ages at Art Bar (Time: 9PM-1AM)- This event was put together by some local beer writers/drinkers, New Mexico Dark Side Brew Crew (link to their page and today's event here), along with Tractor. They are planning to have a cabaret show, beer trivia, and lots of good dark bees. I actually commend these dudes for the beer selection they cobbled together. Tractor's Oatmeal  and Chocolate Stouts, La Cumbre's Baltic Porter (I haven't tried this shit!), Il Vicino and Broken Bottle's Black IPAs, Marble's Stout Americano, and Bosque's Olde Bosky. Plus, word from these guys is they gonna have that Odell Lugene as well. I don't know if this will be on tap, but either way, shit is fire and this selection is cray. These cats really put in some work. I fucks with this. Entrance is ten bones, that's $10, and I assume you pay for beers as you go. Sounds like some shit you could get white girl wasted too with so many damn good beers to try from.

This is the event if you can make it, though I can't vouch for the performance or none of that. You know me, it's all about the beer, papa.

Boulder Beer Special Tapping Never Summer at Two Fools (Time: 5PM onwards)- Again, Two Fools putting in work with these special tappings you won't find elsewhere. On the low, I think Two Fools may be the sixth man of this Albuquerque Beer Week coming in in the clutch. This particular beer is a barrel-aged coconut, so it could be tasty.

This is definitely worth a quick visit to have a pint.

Goose Island Bourbon County Coffee Stout at Billy's Long Bar (Time: 5PM onwards)- I missed this last Friday because I was too busy at Tower of Sour and catching that 505-2013, but I won't miss again. Because our state constantly gets fronted on, we can't get this beer in stores or on taps, but after someone begged and pleaded and gave some AbInBev rep a proverbial handjob, the cockface finally conceded us a pittance. Fuck those guys.

But yo, I've never been to Billy's, but I'm going out of my way to try this beer. The original Bourbon County was spectacular, so I expect the same of this. This will probably be stop numero uno today.

From there, I won't get into too much detail about the other events, but here are the basics, starting with where I'll go after Billy's.

First it's to Whole Foods on Carlisle to sample some Odell with cheese. Why? Cuz why the hell not. I can dip in and outta there in fifteen with tasty cheese bubbling around in my stomach washed down with some good beer.

Then to Jubilation for a Left Hand sampling. Why? Cuz it's Jubilation, son. I'll taste some good Left Hand then blow the half of my paycheck I didn't waste on strippers and cocaine.

Then I'll go home and recover and sober up cuz my boy's flying in and we've got lots of drinking to do. From the airport, I'll take him to Sister so we can enjoy that crazy lineup they have any day of the week, plus the Oskar Blues/La Cumbre "event." Dique they giving out swag. Blah, blah. I want beer.

Also, there's a bunch of events you SHOULDN'T CHECK OUT mostly because they involve some WACKASS PLACES like Imbibe. They having a Lagunitas tasting there and I love Lagunitas and this spot is right by my house and I could easily come after I hit Jubilation but all that should be evidence of how much this place blows balls. SO SKIP THIS SHIT.

Then Broken Bottle debuting some new beer aka probably some watered down fizz that you might mistake for a root beer or some shit except that that's an insult to root beer. So skip this shit.

Then of course you got all those pairings at Gecko's and O'Niell's and all that that been going on for a week now and ain't any more interesting now than they were day one. So whatever, whatever.

Ayo, tomorrow's Brews and Blues, or Blues and Brews, whatever it is, at Isleta Amphitheater. See ya there, mi gente.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Brewsed up from all the drinking? Albuquerque Beer Week Day 7

Shrimp and Grits fa ya.

Yeah, bwoy. It's been a week now of beer week events here in Burque. I've been doing my part by trying to make as many events as possible and leaving no bottle undrank.

Last night I headed out with the family to the Prohibition Era-themed, Yelp-sponsored (Howie K., holla) Food Truck Rumble at Marble Brewery. Rather than get in to some long drawn out account of how things went down, I'll share some pics and let you know that The Supper Truck was the people's champ by night's end. They were among four other trucks serving a little suntin suntin from their menu paired with a Marble beer. Everything was good, but yo, nobody effing with Supper Truck's Shrimp & Grits. This combo is like the roided-up Bash Brothers in '89. It's like the sexual position sixty-nine. Shit is just perfect.

Ayo, these roids really work, dude.

As for today, seems like another full day for all you beer-chugging whippersnappers. Here's what you should peep if you hate washboard abs, love Homer Simpson's figure and would rather have a good beer than a good run aka you ain't going to any beaches soon aka you expect people to love you with all your rolls aka my life story.

Marble Cask Ale Night at the Westside Tap Room (Time: 3PM-12AM)- I haven't been to this tap room yet because I got no reason to with the downtown brewery, but if you live way out there on the border with Arizona (aka the West Side) then this is your best bet. I mean, before this tap room your options were that We'll-Be-Outta-Business-Soon-If-We-Keep-Making-Beer-Like-This Broken Bottle Brewery and that We're-a-Brewery-But-We're-Known-for-our-food Turtle Mountain Brewing, so this place is like a godsend. God felt terrible for you guys with your drinking choices and he said, "Ayo, these people need some good beer if they gon' be living on the worst side of town." And pom pom, there was the West Side Tap Room. Enjoy that shit, motherfuckers.

Anyways, 505-2013 will be among the beers on cask so that alone is reason to hit this event.

Double IPA Tapping at Kelly's Brewery (Time: 4-7PM)- Kelly's don't really think they fooling anybody into coming here just for this beer, right? When heads talk about the Albuquerque breweries, you guys aren't even part of the discussion. We know you make beer and all that, but nobody really drinks that shit. So you think we gonna go to try this special beer? My guess is y'all gonna serve negative five of these at your events, because the people that try 'em gonna send em back like they're homeruns from the opposing team at Wrigley, ya heard?

Yeah, don't bother with this.

La Cumbre Project Dank Tapping at Two Fools (Time: 5PM onwards)- La Cumbre been kinda off the map this whole Beer Week. I know they collabed on that 505-2013 and that junk is like something reserved for Roman gods that some mischievous demigod swiped and popped at his own private party with strippers and water guns, but yo, you can't just kick back and say "Dassit, chico" and take the rest of the week off. That's either some over the top hubris or that collabo beer just took all their energy. Either way, I had a Project Dank IPA earlier this year and it was cool, though La Cumbre be annoying the fuck outta me sometimes by making 50 billion pale ales and IPAs, but I think this might be a different style, so let's see.

In general, these cats put in work and the results are memorable, so fuck with this.

Stone Brewing at Sister Bar (Time: 5PM to 8PM)- Again, Sister coming through with some ill beers. Stone Cali-Belgique IPA, Old Guardian, and Espresso Imperial Russian Stout. C'mon, son. I don't even have to sell this shit to people. Speaks for itself.

Otherwise, we still got Lips of Faith tastings at Gecko's, O'Niell's still doing samplings at their two locations, including Left Hand and Oskar Blues on the east side, Odell's Amuste will be at Horse and Angel, and Boulder Beer will be tapping a blueberry wheat at Billy's Long Bar.

I don't go into great detail about these events because I don't really give a shit, just in case that's not apparent.

Lastly, I finally noticed a little Instagram action last night, though it seemed more #FoodTruckRumble than anything else. I guess most Burque Beer Drinkers is either too busy drinking (Chucky from Sons of Anarchy voice: "I respect that.") or just ain't up on thangs (Snoop voice).

Oh and a bunch of beer groups are going to be meeting at Marble Brewery today for a meet-and-greet. My only question is, how the fuck is this different from any other day of the week? This is what we do! We drink, we talk shit, meet new people like "Oh shit, you like good beer? You like beautiful women/men (cuz women like they good beer too)? Sports? Did we just become best friends?"

Word life.

And here a couple more Marble pics from last night.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

How Are Your Kidneys? Albuquerque Beer Week Day 6

Today seems to be the day for Beer Week events. Lotta shit poppin all over the city, so there's really no excuse for you to be home cuddled with a pillow watching The Notebook or some shit. But before I hit you with the today, I'ma give you a brief review of the one event I made yesterday.

I managed to steal a half hour from being a father to and run down to Sister Bar in downtown Albuquerque. If you live in Albuquerque, like beer, and have paid homage to this place, shoot yourself in the throat. The beer selection here is cray, like OD cray. I came in for the Odell Invasion which was gonna be Amuste, Nitro Lugene, and some others on tap, but the crackhead in me saw too many good drugs up there on tap. There was Sierra Nevada's Ovila Quad (fuego), Stone's Old Guardian, a buncha Oskar Blues, mad European brews, just a gang of heat.
Sister Bar tap list.
Sister Bar taps.

Still, I'm focused, so I tried the Amuste first, especially since I been seeing this at Jubilation for months but haven't copped cuz that $20+ pricetag is kinda looking like gold prices or some shit. This beer was dope though, I'm not sure if twenty dollars a pop dope, but still. The nose was all porter, smoke and malt heavy, but when I tasted it this gave way to a heavy grape/wine taste and sweetness. I felt like I was drinking a half barleywine/porter or something.

Then came the Nitro Lugene, which took a while to get to me cuz it seemed the bartenders were still learning how to pour that Nitro status. This beer's official already, but Nitro took it next level. Shit was just creamy as hell like drinking a chocolate shake. Again, fuegoooo.

Odell Amuste.
As for the event itself, Odell Invasion, it wasn't much more than the taps. Sister Bar was basically empty except for a beer drinkers group gathered in the corner, so event really ain't the right name. It was just the tapping of some dope beers and dassit.

Now for today, I'll tell you right now I'ma be at Marble Brewery for this Food Truck Rumble (Time: 4 to 8PM) they got planned. Four (though I heard rumors of five) food trucks giving a sampling of a signature dish paired with Marble beers. This gon be the joint for a lot of reasons. Shit is at Marble with its outdoor patio, so that's ill. Then you got live music so this a REAL FUCKING EVENT, not just some new beers on tap pretending to be an event. Plus, The Supper Truck gonna be participating and their Shrimp and Grits I'd chop a toe off for. Straight fire. As for the beers, you'll definitely get a Marble Triple (which is whatever, I covered my opinion on Belgians here) and the Marble IIPA (which is crack). Anyways, my homie Howie from Yelp is one of the organizers so shout it to him.

Then there's a few tastings/tappings around town:

Abita Tasting at Quarter's on Wyoming (Time: 4 to 7PM)- For twenty bucks you get to try SUPPOSEDLY all Abita styles, plus food and take home a souvenir glass. Abita ain't no beer I'd go out my way for, nor is Quarter's food, so I'm good bruh bruhs.

Stone Brewing at O'Niell's Nob Hill (Time: 5 to 7PM)- Stone's a great brewery and I drop a lot of my daughter's future college fund on their brews, but I wouldn't bother with this. O'Niell's be like a retirement home most days when it's not just straight up dead. Plus, the samples be looking more like servings of medicine in a manicomio, so yeah, fuck this shit.

Left Hand Brewing The Sister Double IPA tapping at Two Fools (Time: Taps at 5PM)- Left Hand got some heat in their lineup, so this could be worth checking. Supposedly reps will be on hand to talk about the beer, but personally I don't wanna hear that shit. I wanna drink the beer and be on my way, so that's what I might do AFTER the rumble, on some in and out status.

Widmer Special Release Kill Devil Brown at Fox & Hound (Time: 5PM tapping)- I've never been to this bar so I won't pass judgment, but again, this sounds more like a beer on tap than an event. But I gotta give it up to Widmer for this beer, here's the description from

Kill Devil Brown Ale's flavor come from the use of ingredients traditionally used by Caribbean distillers. Sweet Barbados and Blackstrap Molasses provide touches of toasted sugar, black licorice and blackened toffee while the palm sugars invite notes of subtle sweetness. As the beer conditions in Puerto Rican rum barrels, the vanilla and subtle oak flavors and aromas develop and integrate with the Calypso hops' soft tropical and stone fruit aromas.

Ayo, shit sounds delicious. But I'll wait till I can cop it in stores.

Beers of the World Flight at Sister Bar (Time: 5-8PM)- Damn, this actually looks offish. $12 gets you five samples and then a pint of your favorite and the beers include: Sunner Kolsch, La Trappe Witte Trappist, Gavroche Red Ale, Petrus Aged Pale Ale and Hobgoblin English Ale. I've had most of these, so I woulda liked some different beers, but this a good deal. Plus, Sister claims to be tapping a beer for this event that is never available in New Mexico, so I might have to make a pit stop pre-Food Truck Rumble.

There some other tastings around town that been going steady so if you been paying attention you'll know where to check.

Finally, what up with some followers on Facebook (click here) and Twitter and shit (@albrewquerque). And why is the Instagram presence so weak out here in Albuquerque. I been hitting that #AbqBeerWeek hard but seem to be alone. We need to rep our fucking city like champs and let people know we don't play out here when it comes to our beer drinking.

Duke city bitch, Duke, Duke city bitch.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

ABQ Beer Week Day Six--- I Respect That

Tree Shaker Imperial Peach IPA at Two Fools
Have you been a good beer drinker this Albuquerque Beer Week? I've been trying, but it turns out it's hard as a mufucka to go out drinking every night of the week. I ain't really bout that life apparently. But I do try, which is why I managed to sneak my way into Two Fools Tavern last night close to 10PM just to get a taste of Odell's Tree Shaker Imperial Peach IPA (more from Beer Advocate here). Now, that  name's longer than a Spielberg flick and I can't repeat it twice with out saying Peach Shaker or thee sthnaker or some shit, but I'ma let that slide cuz this beer's official. Oficial, en espanol. Hoppy aroma lets you know they didn't get soft in the brewery and target this to the Shock Top crowd. Nah papa. This beer's got some punch to it. And if you read my post yesterday you know I was a bit worried about whether Odell just took the easy route and threw some peach syrup or some shit in the mix, but my understanding is this some real, local Colorado peaches. I respect that (pervert from Sons of Anarchy voice). And those peaches do some wonders, cuz this beer's got all types of sweet peachiness that blends well with the citrusy character of the hops. It's easy drinking despite the high alcohol content.

I respect that.

So what to get into today? Much like yesterday ain'ta whole lot poppin. But there's beer and that's most important.

The biggies today:

Il Vicino Special Tapping at Two Fools Tavern (Time: 5PM onwards)- Ayo, Two Fools been putting in work this Beer Week. They seem to have the most events and most of them been worth checking out. Today's involves Il Vicino bringing two Irish brews, Irish Red and Irish Lager, for a special tapping. The first of these two will be on cask and if you ain't tried a beer in this way, at room temperature with low carbonation, it been about time you try.

Taps and Apps at Hotel Andaluz (Time: 5PM onwards)- Food and beer, my type of event. Basically you get four appetizers paired with four beers from La Cumbre, Bosque, Marble and Il Vicino. This could be a decent stop and at $25 not too bad, assuming you get a full pour with each app. But given dumbasses out here in New Mexico don't know how to act, can't handle their liquor and love to jump behind the wheel, most places can't give that fourth drink, so I guess this must be samples. Anyways, here's the full menu courtesy of :

La Cumbre:
Strawberry & Arugula Salad with honey red onions & goat cheese- paired with Hefe

Chimichurrie Grilled Prawns- paired with Marble Triple

Bosque Brewing:
Fried Lavosh chip topped with arugula, black fig, & topped with chilie sugar cured duck breast- paired with Scotia Scotch Ale

Il Vicino:
Artisan Baguette topped with herbed ricotta chees and sherried mushrooms- paired with Irish Red

Odell Takeover at Sister Bar (Time: 5-8PM)-
Ayo, this that event, boy. Sister's a dope spot anyways, being mad spacious, having live bands, and a damn good selection of beers in bottles and on tap. Today they gonna have Amuste, Nitro Lugene, Nitro Porter, Myrcenary and Seasonal Red Ale on tap. Ayo, nitro, you read that right, Nitro. That's reason enough, as is the Amuste, which be selling for like $23 a bottle at Jubilation, so I think I needa hit this event and see if I can get a goblet for something cheaper. That or I'ma have to do a drink and dash. Now, Sister Bar got that hipster element to it, so be prepared to see at least one dude wearing a train conductor's outfit.
Beyond this, you got a Sierra Nevada sampling at O'Niell's and the Lips of Faith pairing at Gecko's and the Sunner Kolsch at Desert Fish going on, so there's beer to be drank.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Albuquerque Beer Week Day 5

No Beer Week for me yesterday.

Fortunately, I have a stockpile of beer from my Arizona trip, from my weekly visits to Jubilation, and from just generally being a crackhead with a need when it comes to beer. I get that itch just driving by certain places. I fed my habit by cracking an Alaskan Brewing Winter Ale and Left Hand Good Juju, both of which I had for the first time. I don't care if it's spring, that Winter was dope. The spruce tips added to the brew created a sweet berry taste with a piney stickiness that felt great in my mouth, no George Takei, you feel me? The Good Juju is laced with ginger and the smell and taste are dominated by it, though it's not a bad thing. I could sip one occasionally but wouldn't go out of my way for this. This beer's kinda like that girl you got in your contacts but don't call until you've been rejected by a few others first.

Anyways, I would've liked to hear some bluegrass at Marble Brewery yesterday, but asi es la vida.

On to today, Day 5 in this glorious week of excuses to drink more beer. Here's what's poppin:

Marble Brewery Beer and Cheese Pairing (Time: 4 to 7PM)- I've already posted about this a few days ago so I'll let you bums scroll down a few and do some heavy lifting. But this should be awite. I mean, I'd prefer some barbecue or some burgers or tacos or some shit a little more filling, but I've never objected to cheese. I guess my big concern with this event is what type of herbs such an event might attract. I never been to a wine and cheese party and there's a reason why: I'd probably have to choke out one dude for describing why my view on dealing with all the bums that line Central (get them the eff outta here) is Hobbesian or Lockesian or whatever the fuck, then I'd have to smack some other dude for insisting that there really isn't a classic American novel, some other mamaguevo would just be looking at me contemptuously with his waxed moustache and Paul Bunyan outfit and then I'd just have to hope a stray bullet hit me and put me out of my misery. Marble Brewery, can you assure me I'm not gonna have to put up with the same ridiculousness? Either way, there's some good beers on tap and I'd recommend that 505-2013 while it lasts, plus The Abbey, the Stout Americano and The Double White. Rock solid beers to steal a quote from the Marble heads.

Five Star Burgers Sliders and Suds (Time 6 to 9PM)- I was just talking about burgers and fwakata! here's a burger and beer event. This could be good. La Cumbre Elevated IPA, Marble Stout and Wheat, and Monk's Wit (brewed up at the monastery by Abiquiu, for those that don't know, now you know, ninjas) paired with different sliders. According to the ABQ Beer Week site, it's three different burgers (green chile, greek, and Taos) and jalapeno caps and 5 ounce samples of the beers for $20. Pretty sweet deal actually. Only problem, I have no idea where this Five Star is---I hit B2B on Central for my burger and beer fix---so I'ma check the Yelp link here.

Yeah, so this is at Wyoming and Academy which is the sticks to me, but if you live up near the mountains, you may wanna check this.

Other than that, it's mostly just tastings around town:

Deschutes is doing a sampling at O'Niell's Nob Hill, which could be cool if they were bringing The Abyss , but chances are it's just gonna be the same shit you see around town any day of the week. Plus, I went about a month ago for a Rogue sampling and it was the most pinche samplings outside of a Total Wine store I'd ever seen.

Two Fools will be tapping Odell's Treeshaker Imperial Peach IPA, which sounds cool if not being the biggest gimmick in New Mexico since that other brewery started slapping "Isotopes" and "Alien" all over their beers to turn them into the Disney World of New Mexico craft beer. I'm all for adventurous beers, but are you just throwing some liquid peach flavoring in the mix or using real peaches? Cheap bastards.

Of course, Sunner is still on tap at Desert Fish, Gecko's still has the Lips of Faith taps, and Nob Hill Bar and Grill still has the Lips of Faith Smores Porter on tap, so if you need a beer, this ain't the prohibition era.

Finally, a reminder that the one event you don't wanna miss is the Blues and Brews Festival on Saturday to sample a ton of beers and hear---surprise, mothafuckas!!!---blues music. Also, if you Twitter and Instagram savvy, follow @albrewquerque to stay in the loop or like the Albrewquerque Facebook page.

Hasta la proxima, cabrones.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Albuquerque Beer Week Day 4

Back with more of that Albuquerque Beer Week smack. I survived yesterday despite hitting four different beer week events, one of which just as I prophesied, (that Total Wine bullshit) was complete and utter trash. When the people working the event aren't aware there's an event going on---"Uh, yeah, I think the beer event was yesterday"---then you know you fucked up. Total Wine is just trash, yo. Ohhhh, and to top it off, for BEER WEEK, these herbs gonna try to pass off some fake ass craft beer to customers. They had that bullshit Leinenkugel, and that bullshit Shiner Red Ruby or some shit, and then Batch-whatever-the-fuck-number-to-sound-like-craft, a Coors concoction that tries to pretend it's some brewing upstart. Read your labels, yo, like the Gza said.

As for today, there aren't the wealth of events like the first few days, which don't make no fucking sense to me cuz it's Sunday and it should be nothing but Beer Week events. Like they should really just shut the whole city down and order everybody to attend. Like this zoo visit I gotta do this afternoon, should be like a "Dogfish Head Takes Over the Bio Park" type deal. Instead, they got some bullshit NM Brewers Golf Tournament, which is just the worst shit I've ever heard. I don't golf, so that's part of it, but yo, that's a yuppified ass game to be linking with beer. And yes, I know mufuckas drink and smack they golf balls around, but that game is pretty removed from the regular type mufuckas that drink beer. What they needed to do was set up an MMA tournament and have those same fucks hitting golf balls beat the shit out of each other in a cage match. Or at least some tackle football or some shit, something where these pussies would've at least pulled a muscle and shit. So yeah, fuck that golf tournament.

Then there's the New Belgium Brewing Brunch at Nob Hill Bar and Grill (Time: 12 to 3 PM)- I read over at the website that they gonna be making beermosas. The fuck? Take that pussy shit to a Lady Lobo game. That corrupting of what should be beer good enough to stand on its own has no business in Beer Week. But, I would swing by here to taste this Smores Porter that they supposedly got, a new New Belgium. But literally, I'd go in, order that shit, drink that shit with my head down not even making eye contact with any mufucka in this bar, pay for that shit, and duck out. No reason to spend more than 15-20 minutes at this event.

Pint for Pint at Tractor Brewing Company (Time: 12 to 5:30 PM)- I've already shared my feelings about Tractor in other posts (you can look that shit up yourself, I'm not hyperlinking my own link from yesterday) so they already on shaky ground for any event. But then they gonna mix blood and beer? They want me to give this beer-and-alcohol laced blood to some unfortunate soul? I'll pass, b. I'm tryna drink and dassit. But yo, I guess this some real feel good shit to make the brewers and the drinkers of the world feel like we ain't all just a bunch of drunks. Personally, I don't mind feeling like just a bunch of drunks.

Fun Run and Fundraiser at Bosque Brewing Co. (Time: 1PM)- Bosque hovering around Tractor levels as far as their beers go. I definitely wouldn't go outta my way for their beer or for this event. Look, I don't wanna give blood and drink beer and I don't wanna run and drink beer. I wanna watch sports, play table games, and be lazy and drink beer. Do a fundraiser where you commit to those things, like for every I watch TV and drink a beer, and I'll sign my name in blood.

Silly Saison at Two Fools (Time: 5:30PM)- Yeah, so I had to check to see if this was a beer or some stupid name they'd come up with for the event. It turns out its a stupid name for a beer they gon have over at Two Fools. Now, I've never had this beer before, but if the people over at Beer Advocate can be trusted (they can, mufuckas), then this beer is complete shit. So I'll pass.

Ultimately, THE SPOT YOU WANNA BE IS MARBLE BREWERY for their Bluegrass Extravaganza (Time: All goddamn day, which means like a 1PM start time)- Ain't no special beers here, but the music should be rocking, even if it's of that hillbilly variety (some of this shit dope though, really), and of course Marble will have some heat on tap. I mean, if you have or haven't tried the 505-2013, that's reason enough to go. So yeah, this is where you'll find me probably.