Albuquerque Beer Week Day 4

Back with more of that Albuquerque Beer Week smack. I survived yesterday despite hitting four different beer week events, one of which just as I prophesied, (that Total Wine bullshit) was complete and utter trash. When the people working the event aren't aware there's an event going on---"Uh, yeah, I think the beer event was yesterday"---then you know you fucked up. Total Wine is just trash, yo. Ohhhh, and to top it off, for BEER WEEK, these herbs gonna try to pass off some fake ass craft beer to customers. They had that bullshit Leinenkugel, and that bullshit Shiner Red Ruby or some shit, and then Batch-whatever-the-fuck-number-to-sound-like-craft, a Coors concoction that tries to pretend it's some brewing upstart. Read your labels, yo, like the Gza said.

As for today, there aren't the wealth of events like the first few days, which don't make no fucking sense to me cuz it's Sunday and it should be nothing but Beer Week events. Like they should really just shut the whole city down and order everybody to attend. Like this zoo visit I gotta do this afternoon, should be like a "Dogfish Head Takes Over the Bio Park" type deal. Instead, they got some bullshit NM Brewers Golf Tournament, which is just the worst shit I've ever heard. I don't golf, so that's part of it, but yo, that's a yuppified ass game to be linking with beer. And yes, I know mufuckas drink and smack they golf balls around, but that game is pretty removed from the regular type mufuckas that drink beer. What they needed to do was set up an MMA tournament and have those same fucks hitting golf balls beat the shit out of each other in a cage match. Or at least some tackle football or some shit, something where these pussies would've at least pulled a muscle and shit. So yeah, fuck that golf tournament.

Then there's the New Belgium Brewing Brunch at Nob Hill Bar and Grill (Time: 12 to 3 PM)- I read over at the abqbeerweek.com website that they gonna be making beermosas. The fuck? Take that pussy shit to a Lady Lobo game. That corrupting of what should be beer good enough to stand on its own has no business in Beer Week. But, I would swing by here to taste this Smores Porter that they supposedly got, a new New Belgium. But literally, I'd go in, order that shit, drink that shit with my head down not even making eye contact with any mufucka in this bar, pay for that shit, and duck out. No reason to spend more than 15-20 minutes at this event.

Pint for Pint at Tractor Brewing Company (Time: 12 to 5:30 PM)- I've already shared my feelings about Tractor in other posts (you can look that shit up yourself, I'm not hyperlinking my own link from yesterday) so they already on shaky ground for any event. But then they gonna mix blood and beer? They want me to give this beer-and-alcohol laced blood to some unfortunate soul? I'll pass, b. I'm tryna drink and dassit. But yo, I guess this some real feel good shit to make the brewers and the drinkers of the world feel like we ain't all just a bunch of drunks. Personally, I don't mind feeling like just a bunch of drunks.

Fun Run and Fundraiser at Bosque Brewing Co. (Time: 1PM)- Bosque hovering around Tractor levels as far as their beers go. I definitely wouldn't go outta my way for their beer or for this event. Look, I don't wanna give blood and drink beer and I don't wanna run and drink beer. I wanna watch sports, play table games, and be lazy and drink beer. Do a fundraiser where you commit to those things, like for every I watch TV and drink a beer, and I'll sign my name in blood.

Silly Saison at Two Fools (Time: 5:30PM)- Yeah, so I had to check to see if this was a beer or some stupid name they'd come up with for the event. It turns out its a stupid name for a beer they gon have over at Two Fools. Now, I've never had this beer before, but if the people over at Beer Advocate can be trusted (they can, mufuckas), then this beer is complete shit. So I'll pass.

Ultimately, THE SPOT YOU WANNA BE IS MARBLE BREWERY for their Bluegrass Extravaganza (Time: All goddamn day, which means like a 1PM start time)- Ain't no special beers here, but the music should be rocking, even if it's of that hillbilly variety (some of this shit dope though, really), and of course Marble will have some heat on tap. I mean, if you have or haven't tried the 505-2013, that's reason enough to go. So yeah, this is where you'll find me probably.